Do you ever feel that something you’ve dreamed about your entire life, something that you want more than anything, that you’re willing to do whatever it takes for, isn’t actually meant for you?
Lately, I’ve been entertaining the notion that perhaps not everybody’s dreams are meant to come true. Perhaps wanting it more than anything just isn’t enough. And even if you put in the work, and do nothing except struggle in pursuit of this dream and this goal, perhaps you still won’t get it.
And maybe it’s because, a lot of the time, success has a vested interest in luck. Maybe you just haven’t found the right time, the right audience, the right genre, the right moment.
Or maybe you’re not that good. Maybe all your dreams are based on this passion you have for something that you’re only mediocre at. Maybe all these years spent striving and struggling were for nothing, because your dream will always be unattainable.
Because you are just not good enough.
I wrote all that hours ago. But I didn’t post it. Because it’s so melancholic, and without hope, and doesn’t really do anything to help anyone. So I put it in draft, in the hopes that I could somehow salvage something from it.
And then, a funny thing happened. I was having a conversation with someone, not about any of this. I offhandedly mentioned I wanted to travel to Venice, and they offhandedly replied, “Maybe one day you will. Never give up on your dreams.”
Now, normally, I’d take that as it was. Something literally everyone on earth has said multiple times. But at that moment, it really struck me. Because, I suppose, I realised that maybe I was subconciously doing that. Giving up.
And I’ve barely begun, so giving up really would be terrible of me. So I’m not going to.
All that stuff at the top of this post still rings true. Somewhere within me, those thoughts circulate and whirl around the drain that is my self-doubt. And I’m sure they’ll suck me back to them at many, many points in my life.
But right now, I’ve decided to not stop, and to continue struggling, and to pursue that which all the sane people say not to pursue.
Because what fun is it being sane anyway?